The Choice of Love, Part Two A Sacrificial Mindset

1Corinthians 13: 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Life is about choices. We can look back over our lives with regret or rejoicing at the decisions we make; usually it is a mixture of both. Of all the facets of being inescapably human, romantic love remains one of the most confusing and daunting we will face. That is because it is one area that we still tend to listen more to worldly philosophy than Godly wisdom. We are inclined to Oprah-ize love or wonder what Dr. Phil says, instead of what God says. The reason we seem to get it wrong so often is that we treat love as strictly an emotion, a product of our soul. But love is also a product of our spirit even though we give it more emotional power than it rightly deserves. In fact, one just needs to look at the way we speak about love, to see the emotional control that we give it. We do not say that we have love or even feel love. No; we "fall into" love; as if it some sort of bear trap clasping around our ankles not letting us go. Love is not quicksand beloved. As with everything, God explains for us in the bible, exactly what love is supposed to be. Remember that it is the design of God that we are not to be alone. In just the second chapter of the bible, God declares this fact:

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18

Here is Paul continuing in verse five to outline what Godly love is not supposed to be. The opposite of rude is to be considerate, placing the other person above yourself. This is closely related to the following two admonishments, which is that love cannot be self-seeking or easily angered. True love is always sacrificial at heart. In any true Godly relationship, God is always first, followed by the other person. In his letter to the church at Philippi, Paul outlines this approach using Christ as the ultimate example:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2: 1-4

That certainly grates against the flesh! The world encourages a me-centric mindset. Independence is revered and reliance is considered weak. Men especially are indoctrinated to never show signs of weakness but following the word of God reveals why weakness is His plan. In Paul's second letter to the church at Corinth, we see this principle explained:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2Corinthians 12: 9

Once again, if God is building the relationship, then God will maintain it. We should want the power of God to rest not only on ourselves, but also on our relationships. In order for that to happen, we must decrease, so that He may increase. That means having a sacrificial mindset within the relationship. If both parties truly place God first and the other person second then the relationship will avoid some of the more common pitfalls stemming from poor consideration (rudeness), selfishness and anger. Again, this does not mean that we can expect perfection. There will be times of inconsideration, selfishness and anger because we are human and the flesh is the flesh. But they do not rule the day as we see in Ephesians:

In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Ephesians 4: 26-27

Note that Paul acknowledges that we will be angry but instead focuses on when anger can lead to sin. He implores us to not let the sun go down on our anger and that should be a staple for any loving Godly relationship as well. By having the sacrificial mindset of God first and the other person second, anger can be dealt with more effectively. If it is not, Paul clearly states that what you are allowing to happen is for the enemy to gain a foothold in the relationship and he is very adept at exploiting those footholds.

Lastly from this verse, love keeps no record of wrongs. This is always a tough one for us! It seems inherent in our nature to not be able to let things go. Yet this is not God's design for a loving relationship. Take the ultimate loving relationship, God and you. For God so loved the world (you!) that He gave His only begotten Son to save it (you!). Now think for a moment about the record of wrongs God could hold against you. Yet because of His love, he chose to not hold these against you. Because when He sees you, He only sees the blood of Jesus Christ! The same should hold true in a Godly loving relationship! If Christ is first in your lives and your relationship, then you should only see Christ in the other person first and not the temporal list of wrongs we normally would hold against a person! We must choose to not keep that record of wrongs the world so encourages us to keep.

As always, these elements are choices. In a loving relationship, we must choose to love and choose to be love. Not to fall into it, but to be it. When you "fall into" love, you are abdicating control to the emotion. Now the emotion controls you. When you choose to be love, you are abdicating control to God. It is always better when God is in control but the choice is always ours. We must choose to be considerate. We must choose to be selfless. We must choose to not let the sun go down on our anger. We must choose to see Christ in the people we love rather than keep a record of their mistakes; always remembering how much God has overlooked in us. Are these easy lessons to implement? No, because they grate against so much of our flesh and what we have reduced love to over the centuries. Too often we may pass on what would have been a Godly love, searching for the elusive butterflies; instead of creating them ourselves. The world has stripped the Spirit out of love and left it alone to wander around in the depths of our souls. There it is susceptible to the whims of emotion and the harshness of the world. Thankfully, the bible tells us all that we need to know and life always remains about choices. Choose to be love. Choose to put God in control today.

Anthony Wade June 17, 2008