The Poison of Unforgiveness Get the Antidote Today!

Matthew 18: 34-35 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."

An old adage reads, "Unforgiveness is the poison we drink while we wait for the other person to die." How sad but true. It is human nature to hold a grudge. The world embraces an eye for an eye but how many of us realize that if we strictly adhered to that philosophy; we would all be blind. While we sit and hold that grudge, the poison works its way through our system. It turns into bitterness and a hardening of the heart. With each passing year the bitterness deepens. The world may glorify revenge and movies may paint unforgiveness in a positive light but the Word of God reveals the truth behind those lies.

First of all, it is always your responsibility. Too often we can think that it's the other person who has the problem. Here is how God views that:

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Matthew 5:23-24

How important is unforgiveness to God? He doesn't even want your sacrifice if you have unresolved differences! And look how the verse is worded! If you know your brother has something against you! It is always your responsibility. Why did God use this as the example? Because too often we can go to church and raise our hands and sing our praise to God while secretly harboring bitterness and unforgiveness in our hearts. Reconciliation and relationship are more important to God than sacrifice and religion. One has to do with the heart of God and the other with the heart of man.

Secondly, it is not about you! Sorry to burst your bubble, but everything is about God; even forgiveness. We can get so hurt in our flesh sometimes that we fail to remember who we live for. Joseph is someone who most would say had a "right" to be upset. Can anyone really blame him if he held a grudge against his brothers who tried to kill him and ended up selling him into slavery? Can we not understand if he ended up harboring bitterness against Potiphar and his wife after being falsely accused and thrown into prison for over a decade? Wouldn't we be compassionate toward him if he still was resentful towards the Cupbearer who forgot him to Pharaoh and cost him another two years in prison!

Yet the Bible gives no indication of any anger whatsoever towards the many people who wronged him. Once he was released he became the Prime Minister of all Egypt, with only Pharaoh holding more power than him. He could have easily sought revenge against Potiphar and his wife or the Cupbearer. But Scripture gives no indication that he ever did. The more compelling act of forgiveness however dealt with his brothers. Even after the passing of their father, Jacob, we see the brothers still wrecked with guilt over all they had done wrong to Joseph:

When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, "What if Joseph holds a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrongs we did to him?" So they sent word to Joseph, saying, "Your father left these instructions before he died: 'This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.' Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father." When their message came to him, Joseph wept. Genesis 50: 16-17

The brothers hold the perspective of the world. They could not fathom that Joseph would have already forgiven them; even though he had already told them so. Like the world, they resort to trying to trick Joseph by lying to him about their now deceased father. The perspective of the world is wrecked with guilt. Without the true reconciliation, they carried this guilt around with them their whole lives. The same goes for unforgiveness. It is a cancer slowly eating away at you.

Joseph however, held the perspective of God. He knew that even though his brothers may have plotted, it was God that planned.

But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. Genesis 50: 19-20

The ability Joseph has to forgive is ingrained in his theology. He understands that it is not about him. It is not about his sufferings and his travails. It is about God for Joseph. This is the level of forgiveness we need to have as well. Where we can out aside ourselves and see things from an eternal perspective.

Thirdly, forgiveness is always the answer; regardless of what you feel has been done to you. In the story leading up to our key verses, we have Peter asking Jesus how many times he must forgive his brother. In an attempt to sound righteous, Peter suggests seven times. Jesus response is a reminder that forgiveness is not based upon any outside considerations. As Christians we are to forgive, period. Jesus' answer of seven times seventy did not literally mean 490 times but rather that there should be no limits on our forgiveness of others. I have heard Christians lament that this is not possible. We cannot possibly forgive someone all the time! The limitations we place on ourselves do not matter to God. What His Word says is exact and true. If Jesus said seven times seventy, then that is what He meant. Our forgiveness cannot be limited by our finite minds:

Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." Matthew 19: 26

After Jesus explains to Peter that forgiveness should be seven times seventy, He proceeds to tell them a parable of the unmerciful servant. In this parable a man owes a great sum of money to a king; ten thousand talents. Today's equivalent would be in excess of 10 million dollars! The King was going to have him sell everything he had including his family when he had compassion on him. The Bible says that he actually cancelled the debt! Could you imagine owing 10 million dollars and having the debt cancelled? That is what happened to this man. Yet the Bible says that he then went out and found someone who owed him 100 denari, which amounts to only a few dollars. He choked the man and demanded his money. When the man could not pay and begged for the same leniency and compassion he had just received, the man had him thrown in jail. When the King found out, he called the servant in and rebuked him:

Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' Matthew 18: 33

This leads us up to our key verses. Within these two verses are two very important truths about forgiveness we need to keep in mind. First of all, we all owed a debt we could not pay. Our sin-debt was what separated us from God and threatened to leave us with an eternal separation. We could not pay the debt so God paid it for us through His Son Jesus Christ. Whenever we are harboring resentment or unforgiveness we need to remember the debt Jesus paid for us on Calvary. The servant in the parable forgot how much he had been forgiven and demanded he be paid back. Ultimately he was. Let us never forget:

Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. Micah 7: 18-19

Mercy and compassion personified Jesus and we are supposed to be striving to be more and more Christ-like every day. The world is unforgiving enough. The church needs to be filled with mercy and compassion. Merciful towards the unsaved and not judgmental. Compassionate toward the suffering and not indifferent. Can you imagine a world where the church truly behaved like we are charged with behaving? Instead, there is too much unforgiveness and bitterness within the church itself and far too much judgment pointed toward the world. How central is the concept of forgiveness to God?

This is my blood of the new covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. Matthew 26: 28

The blood Jesus shed on the cross was poured out for our forgiveness. How can we justify withholding forgiveness toward another? Our key verses end today with a reminder from God that forgiveness cannot just be words. We must forgive from our hearts. God understands hypocrisy and He does not like it. Too often we can "forgive but not forget." That is no forgiveness at all! Can you imagine if Christ would not forget your sins? But once again, the instructions from God are quite clear:

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3: 13

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Ephesians 4:32 (ESV)

Forgive as God forgave you. Forgiveness is always our responsibility. Forgiveness is not about us but about God. Forgiveness is always the answer. Mercy; not judgment. Compassion; not indifference. These are the things that make up the Christian walk. The Apostle Paul clarifies the true source of unforgiveness in his second letter to the Church at Corinth:

If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven--if there was anything to forgive--I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. 2Corinthians 2: 10-11

We should never be unaware of the schemes of the enemy and unforgiveness is just one of the weapons he wields in our minds and hearts. We cannot allow him to outwit us. When we harbor resentment, unforgiveness, or bitterness in our hearts then we have allowed the devil a foothold in our lives. From there he can work pettiness, spite, malice, slander, or gossip through us. We can become an agent of destruction instead of edification. We can become a source of dissension among the brethren; one of the things God hates (Proverbs 6). All the while, you are drinking the poison waiting for the other person to die.

And we should not hide behind humor either. Too often the excuse is that someone cannot "take a joke." Malice is malice. Gossip is gossip. Unforgiveness is unforgiveness. Paul teaches this in his letters to the Church at Ephesus and Thessalonica:

Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. Ephesians 5: 4

Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing. 1Thessalonians 5: 11

Tearing someone down is not Christian. Building one another up is. The enemy has a scheme to make you ineffective for the kingdom and unforgiveness is a part of that scheme. It is a poison that eats away at you. It is contrary to the plan of God, who forgave you so much more than you will ever be asked to forgive someone else. It is a poison we readily drink however far too often. If there is someone you know that you need to reconcile with today, even if you are the "wronged" party, God is speaking to you today. Remember Calvary. Remember the blood shed for you. It is the antidote for the poison of unforgiveness. Be made whole today.

Reverend Anthony Wade January 26, 2010

**As a personal aside and testimony I thought I would share my experience with unforgiveness. My father was a bit of a hard man. His discipline was equally hard. Looking back, I deserved most of what I got you reap what you sow. After my parents divorced and I became I teenager. I thought I knew everything; as most teenagers do. There was a lot of anger between my father and his three sons. This led to a distancing on his part. For ten years we were apart. Same city, no contact. With each passing year it became easier to forget. Bitterness set in. These were after all his choices.

Then I got the call from my uncle. My father had passed away, a couple of years prior actually. Suddenly, what seemed so important when I was 18 didn't matter much when I was 28. I realized that I had choices during the past ten years too. It always takes two people to perpetuate a disagreement.

My father was a flawed man, as we all are but he did not deserve to die without his sons. He made mistakes, as we all do, but he deserved a better ending. I say this now because God is putting on my heart that there is someone reading this that needs to reconcile with someone they have had a distance from for some time now. I know it is hard to be the bigger person; but that is what God expects. That is what this devotional is really about. Forgiveness frees you from bitterness and helps you avoid having to stand over someone's grave one day, trying to remember what was so important that you lost each other until the very end.

Blessings.