Choosing Love as God Intended

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Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love. - 1Corinthians 13: 13 (NLT)

Life is about choices. We can look back over our lives with regret or rejoicing at the decisions we make; usually it is a mixture of both. Of all the facets of being inescapably human, romantic love remains one of the most confusing we will ever face. That is because it is one area that we still tend to listen more to worldly philosophy than godly wisdom. We are inclined to Oprah-ize love or wonder what Dr. Phil says, instead of what God says. The enemy has done a masterful job through literature and media of twisting and contorting the way God intended love to be into a gross distortion. The reason we seem to get it wrong so often is that we treat love as strictly an emotion, a product of our soul. When we do that, we tend to leave God out of it. But love is also a product of our Spirit even though we give it more emotional power than it rightly deserves. In fact, one just needs to look at the way we speak about love, to see the emotional control that we give it. We do not say that we "have love" or even "feel love." No; we "fall into" love; as if it some sort of bear trap clasping around our ankles not letting us go. God did not design love to be quicksand beloved. As with everything, God explains for us in the Bible, exactly what love is supposed to be.

If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn't love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God's secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn't love others, I would be nothing. If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. -- 1Corinthians 13: 1-7 (NLT)

The Apostle Paul's famous recitation of love -- the recipe God intended. Even most who are not believers know these verses. The vast majority of people use these verses at their wedding ceremony. If only they would use them after! Note first of all that the statements are all declarative. Paul does not say, "love feels kind" or "love does not feel like boasting." That is because while love is definitely emotional, there is still a choice to be made. Love is supposed to be as much a conscious decision of the Holy Spirit as it is an emotional feeling. Seemingly however, we leave it all up to the whims of our emotions. We let our soul dictate to our spirit. When we do that; it is a recipe for disaster.

God is love and by choosing to be love ourselves, we are choosing to be more Christ-like. First, you must choose to be patient. It is certainly not in our nature to be patient people. We live in a microwave society where we want things done, and usually we want them done yesterday. How many disagreements in relationships are caused by impatience? Now think for a minute of how patient God has been with you. Secondly, you must choose to be kind. Sounds simple enough but it really does go against our inherent human nature, doesn't it? Why? Because to be truly kind, you must deny self and we are essentially selfish creatures. Society reinforces this selfishness with the, "what's in it for me" mentality. Yet if you want to experience true love as God intended and not some emotional trap you will "fall into", then Paul says you need to start with patience and kindness. It is not surprising to see these attributes reiterated in another of Paul's letters:

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. -- Colossians 3:12

Not only do you need to have patience and kindness, but you should be clothed in them. What do we do with our clothes every day? We must put them on. There is a conscious decision each day about what we will wear. We may look in the mirror and decide what looks good on us and what doesn't. God is telling us here that if we want to love like He has intended love to be for us, we must choose to put on patience and kindness.  

In the same verse however, Paul also states three things that love is not -- jealous, proud, and boastful. It is no surprise that these three things are often stumbling blocks in our relationships. That is because as difficult as it may be, love is not meant to be jealous. The devil is constantly whispering in our ears about other people and trying to get us to compare ourselves to others. True jealousy and envy denies what God has already done for you and given to you. It questions the sovereignty of God by desiring something that He has decided to give to someone else and not you. In a relationship it robs the joy that you should have together. It speaks to the motivation and appreciation of the heart. A heart that chooses to love is happy at the blessings another receives. It does not secretly desire them.

Love is also neither boastful nor proud. Being proud or boastful is taking the focus off God and placing it on ourselves. True love keeps God first in everything. The world teaches us that the other person "completes us." Not so; God completes us! In order for God to have the supreme place in any relationship there can be no pride; no boasting:

To fear the LORD is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech. -- Proverbs 8:13

Boasting is arrogant behavior. God hates pride and arrogance. You cannot be Christ-like and exemplify these qualities. You cannot choose to love and embody these traits. They oppositional to each other. A relationship where there is no boasting and no pride, keeps God on the throne. It keeps God in control. If man builds the relationship, man will have to maintain it. If God builds the relationship, God will maintain it. One just needs to look at the divorce rate in this country to see what happens when man builds it. The truly sad thing is that the divorce rate in the church is not much better. That is because we choose the distorted worldly view of love over the true intent of God. These five facets of love found in verse four lay out the foundation for love the way God intended. Verse five however, starts to get into the details.

The first detail once you have chosen to lay the correct foundation is that you need to change your mindset to being sacrificial. We are not sacrificial by nature -- we are inherently selfish. In a lot of ways that is the great irony in these verses. These things that Paul lays out are all things that we are NOT within our flesh. They are all things we can only accomplish through God. They are choices, not emotions. The sacrificial mindset in verse five begins with our attitude. The opposite of rude is to be considerate, placing the other person above yourself. This is closely related to the following three admonishments, which is that love cannot demand its own way, be irritable or keep a record of wrongs. True love is always sacrificial at heart. In any true Godly relationship, God is always first, followed by the other person. In his letter to the church at Philippi, Paul outlines this approach using Christ as the ultimate example:

If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.   -- Philippians 2: 1-4

That certainly grates against the flesh! The world encourages a me-centric mindset. But God wants a sacrificial mindset. You cannot demand your own way -- you must think about the other person first. You cannot be irritable -- you must consider the other person first. You cannot keep a record of wrongs -- you must think of the other person first. Take the ultimate loving relationship, God and you. For God so loved the world (you!) that He gave His only begotten Son to save it (you!). Now think for a moment about the record of wrongs God could hold against you. Yet because of His love, He chose to not hold these against you. Because when He sees you, He only sees the blood of Jesus Christ! The same should hold true in a godly loving relationship! If Christ is first in your lives and your relationship, then you should only see Christ in the other person first and not the temporal list of wrongs we normally would hold against a person! We must choose to not keep that record of wrongs the world so encourages us to keep. We must choose to not be rude and self-seeking. We must choose to love as God intended.

Verse six deals with a simple oppositional statement. Love must choose to rejoice in the truth and be against injustice. The NIV says love must not delight in evil. Too often we use these verses as a framework for our wedding ceremony instead of a foundation for our marriage. If love is not rooted firmly in the truth of God's Word then it will succumb to the evils pursuing it in this world. It is the protection for the love:

Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to him for protection. -- Proverbs 30: 5 (NLT)

But once again note that we must choose to come to Him. This is always a choice. We cannot read these verses at our wedding and then ignore them during our marriage that follows. The enemy is roaming to and fro looking what marriage he can devour. The relationship that is rooted in love the way God intended will have God as its shield and protection by delighting only in the truth of His Word.

The great love verses conclude in verse seven where God now tells us what love must do looking forward. As we have seen love is built on a foundation of kindness and patience. It chooses to have a sacrificial mindset where God is always first and the other person second to ensure selflessness. It is firmly grounded in the truth of God's Word so that it is protected from the lies the enemy will try to speak into it. But now we see the master plan of God unfold as we must choose in our love to never give up, never lose faith, remain always hopeful, and endure through every circumstance. These are all inter-related and speak to the future. It is too simple to just say we must choose to love and leave it at that. God is not unrealistic. He knows that trouble will come into any godly relationship. Jesus Himself said that we will encounter tribulation upon this earth -- no one is exempt from it. But how we react to it is always our choice.

Unfortunately we live in a society that encourages divorce over working things out and compromise. People simply give up too easily on love. That is because when it is rooted in our soul, the devil can more easily manipulate us out of the blessings God intends for us. Paul is teaching here that if we choose to love we must choose to never give up on it. We must always have hope and faith in God. True love realizes that God would never leave us or forsake us. We must endure because it is endurance that refines us:

Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. -- James 1: 2-4 (NLT)

But this is so against the grain of worldly thinking when it comes to love. When troubles come we often start to seek ways out of the relationship instead of the trouble! James is reminding us here that endurance is perfecting in nature. We often view these Scriptures as how they affect us individually but it also pertains to relationships. The choice of love includes the choice to not give up on that love just because trials arise. It means to maintain faith in God, always look forward in hope and endure until you both come forth better for having gone through the trial. It is the perfecting work in the relationship. Love always perfects beloved.  

I have often heard the lament, "I can't control who I love." I am sorry but that is not supported by Scripture. Perhaps we cannot direct who we decide to give up control of our lives to but don't confuse that with "love." Poets and philosophers have spent eternity draping a shroud of mystery over love. We constantly grieve why one romantic relationship does not work out versus another. Attaching little hearts and cherubs and gooseflesh to love. Stripping the Spirit-side of love out and leaving only the soul; the flesh. Love then becomes something to over-analyze, emotionally. A deadly mixture for us. The result is a series of poor choices where love becomes further shrouded in ambiguity and further away from what God intended.

Is love emotional? Of course. But once you get past the butterflies in the stomach and the physical attraction you are left with choices. Life is always about choices. Love is not meant to be something you feel your way into. It is something you choose your way into. You must choose to be kind and patient. You must choose to not be jealous, boastful or proud. You must choose to love as God intended or as the world encourages. Too often we compromise and sell ourselves short. We settle for less than God intended for us. We can actually trade in someone that truly represents Godly love, for the gooseflesh and butterflies of eventual disappointment. Or we allow failed worldly love to wound us so grievously that we build defenses up around our heart, letting no one come close to who we really are; for fear of being hurt again. There is no magical potion or balm to heal past wounds. There is no prescribed time frame for healing. God is always at our right hand, ready to heal, ready to help us move on, ready to help us become more like Him; more like love. As the key verse today says, the greatest of the things that last forever is love and the choice is always ours.

Reverend Anthony Wade -- February 13, 2012

Authors Bio:
Credentialed Minister of the Gospel for the Assemblies of God. Owner and founder of 828 ministries. Vice President for Goodwill Industries. Always remember that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.