A look at the importance of building authentic relationships within the body of Christ.

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We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion--how can God's love be in that person? Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. -- 1John 3: 16-19 (NLT)

The Christian church is supposed to be different. It is supposed to be a model for the rest of the world to see and desire. That is actually the plan of God to draw people unto Him. He decided the vehicle was going to be His church and as long as His church obeyed His Word, people would see it and they would want it. People would come as the movie Field of Dreams once promised. Not to an Iowa baseball field but to small buildings with steeples on them -- all over the world. But they are not being drawn as much as they should. The number one reason given by people for not going to church today is that they view Christians as being hypocritical. That hypocrisy starts with our relationships. It starts with how we treat each other. How much we value each other. Remember how Jesus said people would be able to notice us:

So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." -- John 13: 34-35 (NLT)

Can they tell us apart beloved? Or are our relationships as superficial as those we see in the world? Conditional and selfish? I think there are some major reasons we may not even be aware of that contribute to this. The first is we buy into the new age world systems of technology as bringing us "closer together." The devil loves Facebook. Not just because apparently Christians forget that everyone can see what they post but because it creates the illusion that we are more connected when in reality we are drifting further and further away. In this age we have Facebook, Twitter, Skype, texting, cell phones, multiple email accounts, Blackberry, Android - all to provide the illusion that we still exist in caring relationships. The truth is we have traded in love for efficiency. Caring for convenience. Friendship for expediency. The further we advance in social networking -the farther apart we truly are.

The relationships are watered down because they are not based in reality -- they are cyber reality. They do not require much from us in terms of maintenance. In the "old days" you had to actually buy a card for someone if it was their birthday or heaven forbid -- call them up! Maybe get together and have a piece of cake. Now all of that has been replaced with the magic of Facebook. You do not even have to remember anyone's birthday anymore! Just log on and the first thing Facebook offers you is the opportunity to say Happy Birthday to those who are having a birthday that given day. No more pesky requirements of interpersonal relationships such as conversation. Unnecessary! The cold harsh reality is found in the numbers. The average Facebook account has 400 "friends." On average we follow 150 people on Twitter and 150 people follow us. We have multiple email accounts with hundreds of people in our address book. Yet if you asked someone how many people they could count on besides family -- I mean to really be there for you -- most would venture less than five. If you were in the hospital -- how many people would visit you? If you were going through something and needed friends to be around -- how many would be there for you? If the answer is five and you have 400 friends on Facebook, what does that say for the nature of the relationships with the other 395 people? Listen, I love Facebook and modern technology but I would rather use it than have it use me. We have to realize that our lives are not reducible to a status update. People should not have to post lyrics as a way of saying they are hurting. There is nothing profound about posting a profound quote. It all cheapens who we are to each other.

Secondly, there is a tendency to act super-spiritual and wear church masks that impede the development of authentic relationships within the body of Christ. The often heard criticism is that Christians are notorious for burying their wounded. Church sometimes is the only place where you can come in wounded and be rebuked for bleeding on the carpet. If that is not enough, then often times the blame for the wound is foisted upon the wounded. How many of us have heard even from the pulpit that Christians should never be depressed! Never be anxious! Never be discouraged! I mean the Bible says that in His presence is fullness of joy so if you are depressed you must not be in His presence enough! The Bible says to be anxious for nothing so if you are feeling anxious you are just being disobedient! The Bible says to encourage yourself in the Lord so if you are feeling discouraged you just must not be walking in the Spirit! Hallelujah!

It is too easy to dismiss the problems of people with cookie-cutter Scriptural answers that make us feel as if we have done our spiritual duty when in fact we have avoided it. Our true spiritual duty is to be our brother's keeper. Our true spiritual duty is to love each other as Christ loved us. Our true spiritual duty is to carry each other's burdens:

Share each other's burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. -- Galatians 6: 2-3 (NLT)

The result of all of this spiritual gamesmanship is two fold. First of all we wear church masks. Someone asks how we are doing and we reflexively answer -- "blessed and highly favored!" We need to realize today that we are blessed but we still can be hurting. We are highly favored and we also can be suffering. What do the church masks do? They weaken the depth of our relationships with each other. Think about it! The people we are "closest" to and maybe even serve in ministry with are the very people we are essentially being the most dishonest with! We are supposed to be on the same team! We are supposed to be part of the same body!

But our bodies have many parts, and God has put each part just where he wants it. How strange a body would be if it had only one part! Yes, there are many parts, but only one body. The eye can never say to the hand, "I don't need you." The head can't say to the feet, "I don't need you." In fact, some parts of the body that seem weakest and least important are actually the most necessary. And the parts we regard as less honorable are those we clothe with the greatest care. So we carefully protect those parts that should not be seen, while the more honorable parts do not require this special care. So God has put the body together such that extra honor and care are given to those parts that have less dignity. This makes for harmony among the members, so that all the members care for each other. If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it, and if one part is honored, all the parts are glad. -- 1Corinthians 12: 18-26 (NLT)

Think about when you ask someone in church if they want you to pray for them. What answer do you usually get? Maybe you will get something superficial like "direction" or "strength." More often than not though you get a prayer request for someone else -- don't you? Pray for my unsaved family members. Pray for my co-worker --oh she really needs Jesus!

The second result of the spiritual gamesmanship is that we fancy ourselves as being more spiritual than we really are. Everything becomes an act beloved. We start to pray the loudest or get the latest prayer shawl that everyone else has. We go to conferences and enter leadership trainings. We are bleeding of course but the more spiritual we sound the less we notice the blood. We worship to be seen. We pray to be seen. We go to church and serve in ministry to be seen. The more we are seen the more we are validated. The more we are validated the less we have to think about the underlying problems we have never let go of. Think about it. What is the first thing we usually think about when someone suddenly falls in their walk, leaves the church, or walks away from ministry -- "I didn't see that coming they were so spiritual." The reality is that we cannot fake the fruit of the Spirit over the long haul. Beloved please understand the human condition. People need each other. People desperately need to be real with each other. If as a Christian, all I develop are superficial relationships where we all wear our church masks and sing kumbya -- eventually I will leave. Why? Because I still need somewhere I can bleed. I still need somewhere that I can be me. Not feeling so blessed; not feeling so highly favored. More importantly, not judged for feeling that way. That is what superficial Christian relationships will do beloved. They will force us to find our solace somewhere else. The human condition will not be denied. We might become very adept at playing church but we cannot just "play" life.

The last reason contributing to the superficiality of Christian relationships is quite simply a disrespect of God. It stems from a lack of reverent fear of the Lord, which is permeating too many churches in these the last days. How else can we explain this blatant disregard for the direct instructions from God? Realize that these are actions against the bride of Christ! Let us look at the key verses and hear with our spiritual ears what the Lord is saying to us all today. First of all -- God has given us the model for what our love is supposed to be like. Jesus is the model! The key verses state that since Jesus gave up His life for us we ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. Not necessarily taking a bullet for each other but figuratively understanding that as a Christian my life now needs to be about Jesus and His bride, our church. Our lives need to be about each other and not ourselves.

Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity. -- John 12: 25 (NLT)

Let's face it, we love our lives in this world far too much even though the Bible says we are to be like pilgrims passing through, not residents. We need each other desperately beloved. Giving up our lives for each other requires depth. It requires moving past superficiality.

Next in the key verses it states that our guiding force should be compassion. Specifically, John uses physical needs as an example but it applies to all needs. If we have enough money how do we allow another brother to starve? If we have enough love from others, how do we not share that with people who desperately need it? If someone is hurting, how do we not stop our lives for five measly minutes to minister to them and pray with them? I know we are really good about saying that we will pray for them, but I mean actually stopping our lives to pray with them! Think about what we say to God when we refuse to stop our lives for someone else. We are talking about the God who regarded our helpless estate while we were still living in complete rebellion to Him and sacrificed His only Son anyway for us. Knowing that -- how can the love of God truly be inside of us if we will not stop and give back just a sliver of what we have received? Remember the Bible says it is like doing it unto the Lord Himself:

"Then these righteous ones will reply, "Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?' "And the King will say, "I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!' -- Matthew 25: 37-40 (NLT)

This is not some minor point of doctrine beloved. These are the words of Jesus Christ Himself. The embodiment of compassion requires that we respect His sacrifice enough to at least be compassionate towards each other.

Perhaps the most telling portion of the key verses is next. God knows full well that we like to say more than we like to do. He knows we like to brag when we haven't truly done anything worth bragging about. Let us not merely say we love each other -- let us show the truth by our actions! Words not backed by matching actions is known as hypocrisy. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth of God and then we can be confident when we stand before Him. This is the crux of the argument about superficial relationships. In a superficial relationship, we are all words and no actions. Love is an action verb. It requires something from us. Our relationships with each other should require something from us. Something beyond a post and a tweet. Because what we have lost sight of is what our life is supposed to be. Our life is not our career, our ministry or even our church. What provides the value to our lives should be the people that are in it. The people we love. The people we care about. The people we will be in eternity with. There shouldn't be anything superficial about that. There really shouldn't be.

Reverend Anthony Wade -- August 20, 2012

Authors Bio:
Credentialed Minister of the Gospel for the Assemblies of God. Owner and founder of 828 ministries. Vice President for Goodwill Industries. Always remember that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.