Falling for Worldly Love

Proverbs 3: 5-6 Trust in the L ord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (NLT)

Renowned filmmaker, Woody Allen once quipped, "I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox." This of course from someone with three marriages, the last of which is essentially with his former step daughter. The point being that there is a "love" the world sells that is in stark opposition to the love God intends for us in this life. As Christians, we shy away from discussing it because it is always a delicate subject that challenges our currently held feelings and makes us uncomfortable. But smallpox, nausea, butterflies in your stomach? No matter how the world tends to define love; it never seems to sound very positive does it? According to the world you "fall" in love. Do you know the definition of the word "fall?" According to the dictionary it is, " to become less or lower; become of a lower level, degree, amount, quality, value, number, etc.; decline." To lower your value! Yet despite this it is aggressively pursued and desired by nearly everyone. Despite the fact that "falling" implies that you have no more control over yourself. And therein lies the majority of the problem.

A person without self-control is like a city with broken-down walls. Proverbs 25: 28 (NLT)

A city with broken down walls is easily invaded. It is easily overrun. It has no protection and is easily assaulted. And isn't that how we are when we have fallen in love sometimes? We look the other way on things that are supposed to non-negotiable to our faith. We compromise our beliefs and our faith in pursuit of this state of being that can leave us so exposed that we can feel as if we have no control. I have heard the oft used lament, "well I love him/her." And I understand that emotions are difficult to dismiss. Feelings are very real and very powerful. And God addresses this for us:

Dear children, let's not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions. Our actions will show that we belong to the truth, so we will be confident when we stand before God. Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. 1John 3: 18-20 (NLT)

God is greater than our feelings beloved but only if we let Him be! But note the usage of love here by God. Do not merely say that you love someone, but love should become an action verb. So often we can leave our common sense and our faith behind when dealing with the four letter word that love can become. The world convinces us that cupid shoots us with an arrow and apparently we lose all sensibility. Let me proffer the notion that anyone trying to shoot an arrow at you probably does not have your best interest at heart!

Then I have equally heard that other lament; "well you can't control the heart and who you love." Again, this may be true but what you choose to do with those feelings you absolutely can control. One of the fruits of the Spirit of God within you is self-control! As for our heart...

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? Jeremiah 17: 9 (NIV)

Do you ever feel sometimes that your heart doesn't exactly have your life's best interests in mind? That is what God is talking about. Our key verses today implore us to follow God and not our feelings. The first verse says to trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding. Why does God say this to us? Because He always knows what is best for us in everything. Sounds simple enough right? But how many of us truly follow this when it comes to matters of the heart? Even for those of us who are married the warning is real. How often have we heard the reason for divorce be that someone just, "fell out of love?" That is what happens when you concede all control to your feelings. God is no longer in control. However, when your love is rooted in God there are no such shifting sands because God never changes.

So, if you trust in the Lord with all of your heart then your heart cannot betray you. God is not going to want you to be with someone who treats you less than you deserve. He certainly is not going to want you to be abused or mistreated or making excuses for someone who abuses you or mistreats you. How often do we see people routinely settling for less than God would have for them? How often is the culprit; "love?" Lean not on your own understanding! God sees your feelings. We are not talking about pretending our feelings aren't real but rather that we choose God over them. We choose to accept only the best that God would have for us. If God came to you tonight and said that you were not going to get that big promotion at work you have dreamed of but that it was in your best interest, would you accept it? What if He gave you more insight and said that by taking that big promotion you would find yourself over-worked and over stressed? That it would lead you away from Him and the plans He has for your life? What about now would you accept it? Yet time and again we can know in our spirit that someone we are dating is simply not the choice God has for us and yet we can stay for "love." God sees the beginning and the end. He sees what happens if you were to stay with someone you are not supposed to be with and yet we can turn our hearts from God and toward the world's version of love we have coursing through our soul. Proverbs teaches us:

There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death. Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief. - Proverbs 14: 12-13 (NIV)

Just because it may seem right does not make it right. Just because it feels right doesn't make it right. Our worldly love often ends in grief. We mourn the loss in our soul and the time wasted chasing the wind. Chasing a dream in our hearts that the world planted. Sometimes we will then even blame the God we serve but failed to consult before getting involved in the first place.

The second part of the key verses is even more important. We need to seek the will of God in everything we do. Why? Because then He will show us the right path. This includes relationships beloved. There is a right path that leads you closer to God and the plans He has for your life and there are wrong paths that lead you away. The decisions we make today can have a life-long impact when we are dealing with matters such as love. But so often we can leave the pursuit of God's will out of our relationships. We lean onto our feelings and believe the lies the world sells us. Lies that say we just can't help ourselves. That we no longer have any control over the paths that are before us. But God is saying to seek Him and He will make the paths before you straight. Then you will know which one to take. How many of us know people that made the wrong choices and decades later they are still paying the price of worldly "love?"

And it is not like God has left us without a road map to begin with on the subject of love. The following are the most common verses read at weddings, regardless of faith:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 1Corinthians 13: 1-11 (NIV)

And then of course most will go on to live life in their new marriage paying no mind to what these verses mean. The first verse means that communication without love is meaningless and empty. Communication is a chief cornerstone of any successful relationship but God is saying that without love it is nothing but noise. The second verse is saying that the future and faith itself are meaningless without love. The third verse speaks to charity meaning nothing without love to guide it. So God is saying that you can talk, know the future, exercise great faith and give away everything you own but without love it is all meaningless. It is safe to say that God places a great importance on love; even greater than the world which is willing to cast it aside so easily.

But then we get into the meat of it. Love as God defines it, not man. Love is patient and kind. It is not envious, boastful, proud, rude, self seeking, easily angered and keeps no record of wrongs. It shuns evil and delights in the truth of God. It always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. It never fails. Wow. That is some list! Who can embody all of that? Only one man ever did and His name is Jesus. God offers up His only Son to us again as the example of what love is supposed to be. You must understand that this list of qualities is by definition everything we are not by nature. We are not kind and patient. We do keep a record of wrongs; some with a longer memory than others! Our sin nature tends to evil and not the truth.

So what is God saying then? He is saying that in order to "love" the way God intended, we should be striving to be these qualities for the person we claim to love. Essentially, we should be striving to be Christ-like for them. God is saying that love is always by His definition a choice. It is an act of our will to choose to act towards the one we claim to love as Christ acted towards us. It is not an out of control reaction in our soul but a conscious act of will within our Spirit. Will we ever attain that perfection? Of course not. But where is the striving beloved? Don't ever settle for less than God intended for you by blaming some worldly view of "love" when God has provided you with His blueprint for it. We must put behind us the childish ways of the world that teach us to be victims of love. There should be no victim in love. Play true love out to its logical conclusion and here is the end result as God intended:

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her. - Ephesians 5: 21-25 (NLT)

Mutual submission to each other out of reverence for Christ. Reverence is defined as a deep respect stemming from a state of awe. It means that you both respect and are in awe of Christ so much that you submit to each other. You give in to each other. You place the other person first. THAT is how God intended love to be between two people. Not this out of control roller coaster ride the world has turned it into. This numbing sense that you have somehow conceded all control of your life and your heart. God is always a God of order, not chaos.

I am not suggesting that any of this is easy. I am not suggesting that any of this is painless, or that I have mastered what I write. God always ministers to me first. What I am suggesting is that the love the world sells is a lie. It is a lie designed to get us to abandon what we really believe and set us up for disappointment, depression, and feelings if inadequacy. It is a lie designed to make us into a victim of something God intended for beauty. Yes, feelings are very real. But we routinely deny our feelings in other areas of our lives in order to stay within the will of God. We do so because we know that His perfect will is where we need to be. The same applies when it comes to matters of the heart, even more so because decisions in this area can have an impact that can last our entire lifetime. Fall only for the Godly design of love and watch as He lifts you up into His perfect pleasing will. He has an unbelievable future all planned out for you. According to Jesus, He came to bring you life in abundance. Never settle for less than you deserve. Never settle for less than you are worth.

Reverend Anthony Wade January 3, 2012