A little humor to close out the year. Be safe everyone. There's a lot of bad gospels out there!

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As I was in prayer the other day the Lord spoke to me. Not through the Bible silly, I mean He came into my room, pulled up a chair and we had a chat. He gave me a spiritual download to share with the body of Christ. Then He left. Through the front door. Very anti-climactic. Let me preface these prophetic utterances by saying they may come to pass. I mean, if the Lord said so, I would think at least 65% should come true. That is what Rick Joyner, Mike Bickle and the Kansas City Profits Prophets tell me. Sixty-five percent accuracy is the new benchmark for elite Prophets apparently. Not sure why God would be wrong the other 35% of the time but I will gladly take the margin of error. Thank goodness we have evolved past that Old Testament standard of being stoned to death for falsely claiming to hear from God. The church has got to get with the times if it going to survive. Can I get an amen? Anywho, let's get on with the show! Err, I mean the solemn expression a word from our Lord.

Joel Osteen will have a new book this coming year that will shatter all previous sales records he holds for Christian authors. The book entitled, "Twelve Steps to Becoming God" will be the much anticipated sequel to this year's best seller -- "I Am."

Mike Murdock and Paula White will combine forces to do a 24 hour Share-athon. They will explain that God has secretly told them both separately that you are to sow a "Psalm 150" Seed of $1500, the extra zero for extra blessings! Failure to do so however will result in God withdrawing all of His wisdom from your life, a cursed existence and utter poverty. The show will have a grand finale however with Paula's third husband and former rock and roller from the group Journey performing a duet of "Don't Stop Believing, God" with Mike Murdock on piano and backup vocals.

Heidi Baker will...shaka baba!

Creflo Dollar will start a Gofund Page so his ministry can purchase a 120 million dollar yacht. When asked why anyone should support this Dollar will reply, "If I want to believe God for a 120 million dollar yacht then that's what I am going to believe! You can't put God in your little box of poverty! Jesus was a rich man. He had a yacht too and we are supposed to be just like Him now aren't we? Fishing boat my eye! That was a yacht! Creflo Dollar Ministries has always been about excellence and what would say excellence more than me sailing up to Bimini to spread the Gospel!"

Bill Johnson will say something that would get normal people involuntarily committed.

Joseph Prince will actually preach a sermon that exegetes the destruction of the temple in 70 AD as an act of God's grace and love. Being unable to take any more of the absurd bible twisting he must do to prop up his false gospel, Joseph's hair will leave him and file a restraining order.

Kong Hee will go to jail.

Phil Pringle won't.

Neither will AR Bernard.

Benny Hinn will set an international record by waving his boxer shorts at a crowd of 125,000 in India, with 97,425 being "slain" at the same time. The resulting Tsunami will wreak havoc off the coast of Nantucket.

Heidi Baker will... shabba!

Joyce Meyer, Christine Caine, and Beth Moore will organize an annual conference called "Women Roxx" designed to mangle the Bible to excuse women in church leadership and further emasculate men. In a related story, Roma Downey will turn this into a 15 part TV miniseries with full weekly church teachings a cell group curriculum.

The Assemblies of God will immediately market it to their churches.

At "Women Roxx," the Sessions will include:

Christine Caine speaking on the "Deborah Anointing"

Roma Downey speaking on why Mary Magdalene was really the 13^th Apostle.

Beth Moore speaking on how to wait for your Boaz, and then how to lead him.

TD Jakes in a roundtable discussion with Oprah and Madea about our "Inner Rahab"

Joyce Meyer will conduct a Bible exposition entitled, "No wonder Paul was single."

Feeling left out, Heidi Baker will... whoaaaa.

John Hagee will erect a ten foot golden statue of Benjamin Netanyahu with the American flag draped over his shoulders. When his own congregants point out the idolatry he will snarl, "get outta my country!"

Steven Furtick will start a 10 part series about how the story of Simon the Sorcerer is really about how God just wants to bring some magic into your life.

Perry Noble will physically assault several churchgoers for not tithing while screaming at them, "I don't understand! Don't you want the devourer rebuked!"

Robert Morris will then invite Perry to speak at his church on giving.

Rick Warren will organize and host "Faithapalooza 2016" at Saddleback. The highlight of the event will be stirring rendition of Kumbaya by Pastor Rick, Pope Francis, and Louis Farrakhan. The following day the Saddleback Minister of Information will deny allegations that Warren is a Dominionist and vehicle to bring about the end times one world religion, again.

When it's discovered that none of the 2015 "prophecies" of Cindy Jacobs have come true, Rick Joyner will demote her to Lieutenant.

Darren Wilson will reveal his new movie will be entitled, "Holy Ghost, Snowboarder." When some bristle at the lack of reverence, Wilson will respond, "Don't put God in your little box of religion you Pharisee! You think the Holy Ghost can't snowboard man? He invented the Stalefish Grab man!" When Brian "Head" Welch from Korn is asked why he is not in this movie, he will respond that even he has standards.

International House of Prayer will start a 24-hour a day positive affirmation chanting program.

Not to be outdone, the real IHOP will release the 2016 "Rooty-Tooty" breakfast special.

For those keeping score, the IHOP with the Rooty Tooty breakfast special will still be the more Biblical of the two.

Bill Hybels will try to top himself when putting together the 20^th anniversary of his Global Leadership Conference. The result will be not one Christian speaking at the alleged Christian leadership conference. When Brian "Head" Welch from Korn is asked why he is not speaking at the conference, he will respond that even he has standards.

Another major Christian music artist will announce he/she is an atheist. In their press release they will state that they spent 20 years in church and while many people were nice, others were mean. When asked about Jesus, they will respond, "who?"

To follow up on their video declaring God wants them to have private jets, Kenneth Copeland and Jesse Duplantis will announce a new Triple Anointing Blessing (TAB) they are offering for a limited time. The premise is simple. There are 31,102 verses in God's Holy Word. Triple that and you get 93,306 so your TAB comes to $93,306.

Kim Walker-Smith will tell us that she was again visited by Jesus who whisked her away to the throne room for a latte with the Father. Jesus Culture will follow by releasing a new hit, "Jehovah Latte," which will rapidly become the number one worship song in churches across America.

Misty Edwards will respond with her new hit, "Jesus Looks Hot in That Robe." Mike Bickle sings backup.

Jennifer LeClaire will prophesy something so false in its premise that it could not possibly come true, again.

Kim Clement will falsely prophesy something so silly that the snake handling Christians will appear sane, again.

Chuck Pierce will prophesy something so vague in incoherent that even Lou Engle will be confused, again.

Hillsong will do the club song, "My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard" during worship one Sunday setting off a firestorm. Brian Houston and Carl Lentz will hold a press conference to assert that even if they have to draw people with milkshakes to hear the gospel, isn't that worth it? Lentz will be quoted as saying, "We have a stance on love and a conversation about everything else, including the quality of anyone's milkshakes."

Following the release of "Captain America-Civil War" the Seeker Friendly Industrial Complex blows up with new Sermon Series' across the land, including:

Andy Stanley -- The Civil War Within Us All

Franklin Graham -- The Captain must come from the church if America is to see revival

Todd Bentley -- Civil War and other Guns and Roses songs to kick people by

John MacArthur -- The war should be civil since it was pre-destined to happen anyway

Jonathan Con Cahn will put out a new book called "The Secret Spookiness of Tisha B'Av." Using absurd assumptions and random coincidental numerology, Cahn will conclude that because of Tisha B'Av, which solemnly remembers the destruction of both temples (both of which occurred on the 9th day of Av), God is likewise coming to destroy the American temple of our economy on the 9th day of Av in 2016. For some reason, people buy it.

Heidi Baker"ahh never mind. Shabba Dabba Do.

Lastly, good, sound bible preachers will continue to preach the uncompromised Gospel of Jesus Christ and people will get saved because God will always remain God. Happy New Years to all.

Authors Bio:
Credentialed Minister of the Gospel for the Assemblies of God. Owner and founder of 828 ministries. Vice President for Goodwill Industries. Always remember that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.