Let Us Be Careful How We Speak To Each Other

Colossians 4: 6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. (NKJV)

Life is busy. Time is ever elusive and is the one commodity we can never have enough of and always seem to be a bit short of. Demands at work, at home, family, friends and ministry all pull at us at the same time. Sometimes we can be pulled too much and be spread too thin. Besides the time element, we can also come up against opposition in our lives. Trials and hardships are to be expected in anyone's life and a Christian has no exemption. Yet despite the demands on our time and the tribulation we may face none of it should be an excuse for treating each other poorly. For speaking down to one another. For being rude. Paul taught this to the church at Ephesus:

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Ephesians 4: 29 (NKJV)

The New Living Translation says no foul or abusive language. Instead we should be seeking to build one another up. Mutual edification of the saints. By doing so, we impart grace to whoever might be listening and we often do not know who is listening. Fellow saints will be encouraged and edified to behave in a likewise manner and unbelievers will want that grace for themselves. The sad truth is that too often we confuse witnessing as an activity instead of a lifestyle. Our lives should be a constant witness to the lost. In how we live. In how we work. In how we speak.

I have begun to notice a downward shift in our communication toward each other. We are increasingly short with one another. Increasingly sarcastic or even caustic in our discourse. I have seen it in church and even in ministry. Remember what the Bible teaches about the tongue:

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

Every time we open our mouths to speak we have two choices. We can speak life or we can speak death. We can build someone up or we can tear someone down. We can be about hurting people or healing people:

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12: 18 (NIV)

The wise will seek to bring healing with their words but the foolish will be reckless with their words and those words they speak will be like stabbing people with swords. What good is it to be religious yet not be about the business of Jesus? James addresses this plainly:

If you claim to be religious but don't control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. James 1: 26 (NLT)

Too many today in modern Christianity are indeed fooling themselves. The appearance of religion is meaningless without the spirit of Christ. Instead of "What would Jesus do" we often need to ask, "What would Jesus say?" Would Jesus be critical in His speech? Would He be harsh? Would He be judgmental? Would He be rude, arrogant, and unseemly? Would He speak down to you? Would He castigate you in front of others? Would He devalue and demean you? All we have to do is look at His words during the most painful moment in His life on earth, during the crucifixion:

Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they don't know what they are doing." And the soldiers gambled for his clothes by throwing dice. Luke 23: 34 (NLT)

Jesus was always about forgiveness and healing, and we should strive for no less. This is serious business according to God beloved.

"Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." Matthew 12: 33-37 (ESV)

So pause for a moment and consider; what fruit do your words produce for those you speak to and those who happen to hear you? Is it good fruit coming out from the goodness in your heart or are there unresolved issues poisoning your heart? We will be held to account for every careless word...every careless word.

And it is not just the actual words that are important but how they are delivered. Sarcasm, mocking, derisiveness, and meanness have no place on the lips of the believer. When Nehemiah was rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem, he had his detractors:

Now when Sanballat heard that we were building the wall, he was angry and greatly enraged, and he jeered at the Jews. And he said in the presence of his brothers and of the army of Samaria, "What are these feeble Jews doing? Will they restore it for themselves? Will they sacrifice? Will they finish up in a day? Will they revive the stones out of the heaps of rubbish, and burned ones at that?" Tobiah the Ammonite was beside him, and he said, "Yes, what they are building-- if a fox goes up on it he will break down their stone wall!" Nehemiah 4: 1-3 (ESV)

You can hear the sarcasm dripping from their words. Now Sanballat and Tobiah were enemies of God, so we can understand their ignorance. But this type of language is also now seen often coming from believers and it should not be so. Here was the prayer of Nehemiah in response:

Hear, O our God, for we are despised. Turn back their taunt on their own heads and give them up to be plundered in a land where they are captives. Do not cover their guilt, and let not their sin be blotted out from your sight, for they have provoked you to anger in the presence of the builders. Nehemiah 4: 4-5 (ESV)

The next time you feel yourself about to lash out at one of your brothers or sisters, remember they too are builders working on behalf of God. Instead of words that tear down, let us remember the key verse from today as our guideline for how we should speak to one another.

First of all, let our speech always be with grace. Not sometimes. Not when all is going well. Not when we feel someone might deserve it or not. ALWAYS. And what about that word grace? The dictionary defines grace as "mercy, clemency, or pardon." What this means for us is that we do not give to others based upon what we feel they might deserve. We act with mercy towards someone because Christ acts with mercy towards us. We grant clemency and pardon to others because of the clemency and pardon God has shown us. If we were all to receive according to what we deserve, none of us would make the cut. We are only righteous because of the blood of Jesus Christ shed for us on Calvary. The person you seek to "dress down" or be corrective toward is no better or worse than you. Additionally, when our words lack the grace of God we are only providing fuel for discord:

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15: 1 (NIV)

Often times it is the response that causes the disagreement. It is the reaction that causes the dissension. Grace provides pardon for someone. It provides mercy and allows the love of God to prevent a disagreement. But not only should we proceed always with grace, we need to make sure that our words are seasoned with salt according to the key verse. Salt does two main things beloved. It flavors and it preserves.

As Christians, we need to provide the flavor in our discourse. We need to "set the tone." We can do so abiding by the teachings of Jesus or we can abide in our flesh; our reactive nature. What taste do we want to leave in the mouths of those who interact with us? Do we want them to walk away with that good taste? The taste of a life saved by Christ. A life that is not willing to react and respond as the world does. A life that does not just talk about grace and mercy but actually lives it out; to its fullest? Are we following the wisdom of Solomon?

Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17: 9 (NIV)

What are we fostering in our speech? Are we fostering love or do we seek to separate? Remember, our words can either bring people together or drive people apart. When the dictionary describes the flavor definition of salt, it uses the word "liveliness." Are we introducing liveliness into the conversations we have? Are we speaking life or death?

Salt is also very useful for preserving. Our speech should be preserving in nature. It should seek to preserve the peace in every situation to avoid arguments and strife. It should seek to preserve relationships not destroy them. More often than not when we see speech that is not seasoned with salt, it will appear very bitter in nature. More often than not, it is driven by ego, by the flesh. But what does the Bible say about that?

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all. Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3: 1-14 (NIV)

When you feel the need to respond in the flesh remember that you have died to that nature already. Get rid of the anger, rage and malice. You are not better than the sister or brother you wish to speak down to. You are both hidden in Christ. For your words to be filled with grace and seasoned with salt you must make sure that you are clothed in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. When you are kind and compassionate you care too much to hurt the other person with your words. When you are truly humble in heart you realize your own faults not just what you perceive to be theirs. When you operate in gentleness and patience you become proactive to heal rather than reactive to hurt. Bear with one another beloved no one is perfect but God. Forgive as you have been forgiven. And above all else, bind everything you do, everything you think, and everything you say in the love of Almighty God. It is what holds us together. It is what keeps us together. Let your word represent the God who has saved you. The God who has kept you. The God who loves you.

Reverend Anthony Wade April 14, 2011