True Forgiveness - A Matter of Humility; A Matter of the Heart

Matthew 5: 23-24 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

The sad truth in this world is that people hurt us. They lie to us, mistreat us, and wound us grievously. Christians are not immune from this phenomenon, which is alive in the church as well. At the end of the day, Christians are human too; thankfully saved by grace. The misperception the world has is that Christians are somehow morally superior, perhaps because sometimes we can mistakenly act that way. But the cold reality is that Christians can also lie, mistreat and wound. Often times the resulting casualty is far worse because we get lulled into thinking that it couldn't come from another Christian.

Just as in the world, wounds will lead to scars. Scars will serve as a permanent reminder of the pain someone caused. The enemy will use those scars to keep us in our past. The scars will shackle us to the pain we never truly got over and prevent us from seeing the future God has for us. You cannot live in the present, or see the future, if you are staring at your past. But thankfully God has given us some instruction in these two verses from Matthew. These are the words of Jesus Himself.

There are three important lessons here. The first is we need to stop playing church. The verses begin with, "if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember..." Now, why would Jesus give such an example? To remind us that going through the Christian motions are not enough. Realize that the altar is representative of anywhere you meet with God, not necessarily church. But even within the church context we can see people every Sunday who raise their hands in worship and intently listen to the word of God, but whom are not reconciled with another Christian. Realize how strong this command is. The sacrifice can be anything, even praise unto God or sharing with others:

Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise--the fruit of lips that confess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased. Hebrews 13:15-16

Jesus is commanding us here to not even offer a sacrifice of praise if there are differences unresolved between you and another! Why? Because it speaks to the condition of your heart beloved. A similar command is found in the Gospel of Mark:

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark 11:25

Unfortunately, forgiveness in modern society has become quite lukewarm. It has become a show of words as opposed to a change in the heart. I have seen people who think it is acceptable to forgive but not forget! I know people who have asked for forgiveness but in the same breath claimed to not want to see the person they are asking forgiveness from! This should not be! Forgiveness starts in the heart, during prayer. The actual words should be last, after the heart has been changed.

The second lesson is that we need to take action. Jesus says, "Go and be reconciled." He does not say wait for the right timing. He does not say pray for God to make a way or to create an opening for reconciliation. Christianity is not meant to be passive. Again it is a question of our heart. How serious does God take this?

If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. - 1 John 4:20

Yet the greatest lesson in these verses is the portion in the middle. It can often go unnoticed if we read it too quickly. It actually reads:

"that your brother has something against you"

This can be read two ways, both of which are amazing. The first is that the example Jesus gave indicates that the person making the offering may not actually be the one who did anything wrong to cause the division! Jesus is saying if you simply remember that your brother has something against you; then you must go and seek reconciliation. This grates against our flesh tremendously. If we have been wronged, we expect the other person to fix the problem. It becomes an issue of our pride.

The other way to read this portion is that you have indeed hurt the other person but that you may not view it that way. This speaks to perception. Often times, we can feel justified as if we have not done anything "wrong" but know that the other person still feels differently. Both parties draw their lines in the sand, cross their arms and say the other one has to come to them! Most disagreements result from an inability to see the other person's point of view and an unwillingness to listen. Jesus is instructing us here to put aside our foolish pride and realize that the fact that there is a difference at all is more important than who caused it. Paul calls this approach living a life worthy of the very calling God has placed on you!

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4: 1-3

Sometimes it takes the bigger person to extend true forgiveness by forgiving even when they feel they have been wronged. Offering the bond of peace to keep the unity of the Spirit is more important than our hurt, which will only consume us. True forgiveness is a matter of humility and a condition of the heart, not just words to say. Remember how much Jesus forgave you and how thankful we are that He also forgets.

What is God speaking to your heart today? Have you harbored unforgiveness against a brother or sister? Have you asked for forgiveness but not treated that person as Christ would have you treat them? Have you allowed you pride to rationalize your behaviors? Maybe you know that someone holds something against you; maybe something you feel is not "justified." God is telling you today that the unity of the Spirit is more important. Extend the bond of peace and gain reconciliation through true forgiveness.

Anthony Wade August 11, 2008.