1) Be drawn to your local church by free wi-fi and entry into a sweepstakes for an I-Pad giveaway.

2) Enjoy 25 minutes of hip music telling you how much God loves you.

3) Discover that if you give some money in the offering God is required to open up the windows of heaven and pour out to you so much blessings that you cannot contain. Pressed down, shaken together, running over in your lap.

4) Enjoy a 23 minute talk by a middle aged man in skinny jeans and a faux-hawk who promises that you are significant and God has a wonderful plan for your life - to give you hope and a future!

5) Respond to a call to discover you purpose by inviting this Jesus guy into your heart. Mr. Skinny jeans promises it will only take five minutes. 

6) Enjoy the adulation as the thousands in attendance stand and cheer your decision. Receive a free Bible as Mr. Faux-Hawk welcomes you to the family of God and proclaims you saved!

7) Return every seven days, serve in a ministry and change absolutely nothing else in your life.