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Bonehead Prophecy Roundup -- This Week in Making God Look Schizophrenic

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There is one body and one Spirit--just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call--Ephesians 4:4 (ESV)

The bible speaks about how false teachers and prophets will cause the way of God's truth to be blasphemed. As we get deeper and deeper into the end times we see the world retreating more and more from a compromised church that is far more concerned about making money than making disciples. Sure they may pay lip service to the latter but only in pursuit of the former. The purpose driven church model of growth is a cash cow making machine. Singular in message which is carnal marketing, not the Gospel. No dissent allowed which is accomplished through blessed subtraction. Multi-level marketing recruitment disguised as "evangelism." The lost can see right through our charade however because while the things of God are foolishness to them they can still spot the evils and greed of this world without a problem. The evils and greed of the apostate church is perhaps not on display in a more obvious fashion than when examining prophecy.

Prophecy used to be a solemn and reverent thing to the church because it meant that someone had received a direct revelation from God, easily verified through Scripture. That last part is critical because God has already given us His final revealed will in the Bible. He did not forget to tell us something that He now is remembering and "releasing" to a charlatan like Mike Bickle or James Goll. Does anyone think God is in heaven realizing He forgot to tell us something so He bellows out a command -- get me Kris Vallotton! Yet Vallotton, Goll, Bickle and many many more make untold riches off of God's people by pretending that they have the throne room of God on speed dial. Beloved we must remember that "God told me" is never a substitute for "it is written."

Now the Seeker Friendly Industrial Complex tries very hard to pretend that their false prophets brigade is closely modeled after what we see in the bible but upon closer inspection we find nothing biblical about it. First of all the sheer volume of prophets is ridiculous. The only times we see hundreds of prophets in the Old Testament is when they are false prophets accumulated by kings who did not want to hear the truth from the true man of God. Yes there were plenty of times where a prophet would have a contemporary. Other instances where they had students they were mentoring but never hundreds upon hundreds all vying for the attention of the people of God. Another fact is the contemporaries or students never disagreed with themselves or other prophets. You never saw Nehemiah prophesying something oppositional to what Malachi had prophesied. You never saw Elisha bring a different word than Elijah. Why is that? Because the source is the same! There is only one God and He is not schizophrenic. For our purposes today the key verse reminds us that there is only ONE Spirit. So let us reason together by reviewing some "prophecies" from Charisma News. Mind you, these all have been "released" in the past week.

Over the past few weeks, I have been traveling and ministering quite a bit. While I have been traveling the Lord has been speaking to me about these seven prophetic words. I have been saying this for years, but it is still so true. Every month, I get a stronger anticipation of what God is about to do. I feel no differently about the month of August. The seven words that God is speaking over the month of August are "acceleration," "opportunities," "second chances," "doors," "wisdom," "finances" and finally "It is the right time." Let your expectation for what God is about to do in this month rise. August is going to be a powerful month of breakthrough in many areas. Get ready! -- Joe Joe Dawson

For the sake of time and space I have excluded the details of the article so let me quickly walk you through this nonsense. Acceleration means people accelerating their relationship with God. To finally begin to walk in their dream destiny thingy. Opportunities refer to what God is going to be opening up for you! The third word is second chances. This means you can dream again! Fourth word is doors, plural! This of course refers to all of the doors God is going to be opening for you in August! The fifth word is wisdom as Dawson claims God is going to give you wisdom, divine knowledge and divine understanding. The sixth word is finances and this refers to God finally ponying up the dough you need for your dreams. The final word from Dawson is "it's the right time." August is the do it now month! Hallelujah!

Wow, what a powerful message beloved! To have seven prophetic words and they were all so fluffy and nice! No need to repent, carry your cross or pray. Just receive, receive, and receive. With that as the foundation, I cannot wait to see how the other prophets rush to confirm this. So let us turn first to the General -- Cindy Jacobs. Cindy just prophesied that we are in a season of the crucible! A crucible is what is used to heat liquid metal so that it may be purified from all contaminants. It can be a season of incredible pain as the heat is turned up. Jacobs described it as feeling like you are in a pressure cooker. Here is a snippet:

"It's going to take courage. It's going to take more than you have. "It's a time to pull into Me," says the Lord. "It's a time to crawl into My presence if you have to. It's a time to be intentional about being a person of presence, a person who spends time with Me, a person of intimacy because if you do not crawl into that place in the cleft of the rock and let Me cover you with My hand, many of you will not be able to do what you could do." -- Cindy Jacobs

Wait a minute. I thought there were seven awesome promises coming my way according to Joe Joe and now Cindy comes along and throws me into the fire? Something is not quite adding up beloved. Joe Joe says seven waves of blessing and Cindy says not to whine? What is a Christian to believe? I mean, there is only one Spirit right? I know, let's see if a different prophet can shed some light on this. Let us see what the Calamari Queen, Jennifer Leclaire has to say:

"When I was in Europe, I had a vivid dream of water spirits clashing. Some of the creatures were evident. Others I could not recognize. It was dramatic and telling about the season we are in." -- Jennifer Leclaire

Huh? So Joe Joe says it is a season of seven breakthroughs. General Cindy Jacobs says it is a season of the crucible and Jennifer Leclaire says it is a season of clashing water spirits? Good thing she is conveniently offering a $70 teaching on how to defeat water spirits in our lives! I am afraid however that Jennifer has not cleared things up at all. It seems God is speaking in three different directions now. Let's give it one more shot and check in with David Lebo of Tidal Wave Ministries.

"A tsunami of My Spirit is about to hit the East Coast of the United States of America and sweep across this great land--from the east to the south, moving across into the west, then north into Canada and down into Mexico. The entire Western hemisphere will be affected by this revival and awakening," says the Lord. "O America, My beautiful: prepare for the impact. For a tsunami of My Spirit is about to come upon you. Nothing can stop what I am about to do in this nation. Nothing devised by man nor any demon in hell can stand against this move of God. Only a warning sound can be given!" -- David Lebo

What are the chances of Tidal Wave Ministries predicting a tidal wave? Putting that aside it seems that Lebo has interjected a fourth word at odds with the other three. The season we are entering into is either a crucible season or a revival. It is either clashing with water demons or enjoying seven amazing blessings. It cannot be everything at once. That is inherently stupid. As is the notion of what passes for prophecy today in the church. It is usually clairvoyance with some cotton candy predictions to make the offering plate more palatable. That is because ultimately it is a money making enterprise. Prophecy is claiming that God Himself has spoken to you and prophets today have turned it into Amway. Good luck when you stand before the Lord and try to explain how and why you made merchandise out of the Lord. Either way beloved we need to be sharper than this. There is no need to chase a fresh word when we have the final word. Leave the false revivals, tsunamis, water demons, crucibles, and seven layers of empty promises to the hucksters and charlatans to market and sell. We need to be more discerning than that.

Rev. Anthony.

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Credentialed Minister of the Gospel for the Assemblies of God. Owner and founder of 828 ministries. Vice President for Goodwill Industries. Always remember that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to (more...)
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