"This is the world they live in."
Such was the disheartening answer from one parent in an online forum question regarding whether it would be appropriate to allow your ten year old daughter to watch a movie that contained a sex scene between the two teenage lead characters.
This is the world they live in. Another chimed in that they will hear about it in school anyway. And in the television shows they watch. And the music they listen to. Ten years old. Listen, this is not written from a Christian perspective. I am taking off my minister hat for a minute to try and speak sanity into an insane world. The girl is ten years old. C'mon guys. Are you serious? Let's push back for a minute on some of the accepted views regarding this subject. If this is the world they live in then what the hell have we done? What have we created for our children? Don't hand me this nonsense about how it was different when we grew up. Is the best we can manage just a tepid acceptance of what we know is wrong?
What astounds me is the moral outrage always on display by the very same people who think nothing of eroding the social mores of this country. Children learn by observation. Not by what we tell them. This is a proven fact. That is why "don't do as I do but do as I say" didn't even work on us. It is not cute when your five year old learns how to twerk. It is not OK for them to start piercing their bodies at the age of eight. It is not good for them to watch sex between two teenagers in a movie at the age of ten. Why? Because what do you think they are learning? What are you teaching them by allowing it? Do not watch the movie and then try and tell them this part or that part is wrong. Your words will not be as powerful as the images they see. Then one day your little girl comes home pregnant at the age of 16 and you wonder where it went wrong. You told her all the right things but what did you show her? What did you allow into her mind and heart at the age of ten?
You cannot use the excuse that it is in their music and television either because you control both of those as well if you are willing. If you think it is no big deal for your 14 year old to listen to Nicki Minaj singing "You a stupid hoe"; do not be surprised when she grows up to think she is worthless. You are not your child's friend. You are their parent. You should be inspecting their music. You should be seeing what they watch on television. You should be seeing who they are talking to online. Don't you dare throw your hands up in the air and say, "oh well, that's the world they live in." We created this world they are living in.
I am not naive enough to believe you can control everything. But that does not mean you allow that to have you control nothing. You sure can protect their innocence as much as you want to physically protect them. You can take a stand even where other parents refuse to. You can say a ten year old should be allowed to enjoy being ten. They will have decades to deal with responsibility and adult topics like sex. I hear parents all the time say that their kids grow up too fast. That they want them to enjoy their childhood more. Then let them. Let them be kids. I know they are mature for their age but we do not have to accelerate the learning curve do we?
So, should we allow our ten year old girls to watch a movie that contains a sex scene between two teenagers? I guess if you do not mind your teenage daughter having sex the answer is it doesn't matter. But if you do, doesn't the answer have to be no? I watched as all the responses poured in. All those opposed were trying to take a stand for what is in the best interest of the child. Those in favor, while I am sure well intentioned, were reacting to societal influences. It was almost as if they were admitting defeat already. Nothing you can do about it. Might as well let her see it. Even the confused logic that it is better that she watches it with you as a parent, so then you can have an open dialogue with her... she is ten! You should be discussing her favorite Disney character, not what you thought of the sex scene in the movie you just watched.
I know, many will dismiss this. I have heard all of the contorted logic. That's OK, because we all have to look in the mirror at the end of the day. Do you want to know the quickest way to have a child who smokes? Smoke in front of them. You want to know the quickest way to have a child who drinks? Drink in front of them. Why? Because it removes one of the innate things we all look for -- parental approval. You want to know the quickest way to have a promiscuous child? Treat sex as if it is no big deal. Show it to them at ten. Joke about it with them at 14. Just get ready to hold their hand and tell them to push at 16. I know, I know. It's just the world they live in. All I am saying is it doesn't have to be.
