The purpose driven church system teaches that there is someone for everyone. News flash -- there's not. There are multiple people, billions in fact, that we can choose from beloved. God gives us parameters by which to pick and we would be wise to listen. We start with someone who shares our faith. Not our church beloved but our faith. The reality is that the vast majority of people who sit in churches on Sunday in America are not saved at all. Sitting in a church does not make you a Christian any more than sitting in a garage makes you a car. What are you saying preacher? Doesn't God have someone special for each of us? Again -- no. God gives us parameters and free will. We turn around and ignore the parameters and then try to read His will, which He has already given us! Most churched folk view the will of God like a fork in the road. Down one road is Betty and down the other is Suzie. One of them we think is God's will for our lives and the other is a deadly trap from Satan. Don't laugh! You know you have thought this! Common pagan beliefs and those of churchianity believe we pray and seek God to decide which road to take. Here is the deep theology for today -- both paths are wrong. Before you get too upset realize that both paths are right as well. The purpose for getting to know His Word and thus being closer to Him is not to know what road to choose but to walk our chosen road as He wants us to walk it. If we followed the parameters correctly then both Betty and Suzie share our faith. Either one of them can be "the one" and either one of them can be a deadly trap. The "one" is made by following God and the trap is set by disobeying. By staying more in His revealed will (the bible) we will find ourselves by default closer to His decretive (what He decrees for us) will. Love is not a bear trap we "fall into." It is a decision we make to treat "the one" as the one; period.
The second misperception is that God has somehow punished us if we find ourselves in a prolonged period of singleness. We see all of our friends getting married. Even the ones that don't pray as much as we do! Why did Betty find Johnny and I am still stuck perusing snapchat and Christian Mingle? That doesn't seem fair or right! I serve in four ministries and she barely gets out of bed on Sunday! Methinks we blame God far too often for what people generally call -- life. Sometimes things do not seem fair because they are not. Sometimes the early bird does not get the worm. This is all born out of our falsely taught transactional Christianity that says if I do A, B and C -- then God must bless me. Wrong. Our sense of blessing should be for what He has already done for me! God is not waiting for you to achieve a level or prayer, join the choir or tithe 24% before allowing blessings to flow in your life. So then who is to blame for why we are single? I did some research lately and finally looked in the mirror to come to the not so exciting conclusion that I may have played a part in it. I know, I was shocked too! Seriously beloved, not everything can be laid at the feet of God. Yes He allows everything through His permissive will but it is actually very rare that He would breach that. Once again the poor teaching in the church produces a god that is overinvolved in every detail of minutia in our lives. False preachers all the time talk about speaking with God like they have the bat phone connection directly to the throne room!
While we are talking about these subjects there is another closeted phenomenon no one wants to speak about and that is relationship idolatry. The truth of the matter is a great many single Christians worship the idea of being in a relationship or even marriage. They overly focus their lives on it instead of God and then when the relationships keep failing -- they blame the one they ignored - God! I think back on some of my choices in the past and realize how much God was protecting me! As we have said, follow the parameters and follow His Word. If God said He has the absolute perfect choice for you but you had to wait ten years -- would you? Or would you settle. If the answer was settle then you have idolized relationships over your God. Back to Mr. Foster:
'On Sensual Passions. God will reduce them temporarily or permanently, according to one's call, provided the person seeks and values such a gift. This does not mean that all sensual passions will be eliminated. But it does mean that God will reduce them below the threshold of our capacity to resist, if we really want Him to. That means, our will needs to have been submitted to God's, out of love for Him and a desire not to hurt Him any further. Victory also assumes we have learned how to resist temptation by appropriating God's power rather than trying to battle it out on our own. However, God will give us over to idolatry if we pursue it. (Note that idolatry and sexual immorality are equated in Eph. 5:5 and Col. 3:5). That means, if instead of pursuing holiness and chastity, we pursue the modern idols of self, materialism, pornographic images and so on, God will give us over to their power (Rom. 1:18-32). He says in Ezekiel 16:39b ((NIV) that He will give us into the hands of our lovers "and they will burn your houses and inflict punishment on you."' -- David Kyle Foster
To shoehorn in his decision to not marry, Foster again just makes things up that are not supported in the bible. Nowhere does it suggest that God will reduce our sensual passions -- either temporarily or permanently. Note the set up for failure and self-condemnation! If we REALLY want Him to He will! Thus if it does not work and we lust after pretending to have the gift of singleness it must be our fault for not wanting it enough. Does Paul speak about submitting our will to Him out of a desire to not hurt Him? No! He simply says if you do not have lust then you should consider singleness. While the references to idolatry are correct the dichotomy he has set up is false. The gift of singleness does not sit diametrically opposed to idolatry. Most scholars agree the gift of singleness was a concession Paul was making regarding his decision to never marry. He makes a simple point that once married you have divided attention. He makes it abundantly clear that the caveat for even considering this is a pretty high threshold of not having and lust. So high is that bar he speaks only about eunuchs -- men who have been castrated! David Kyle Foster may very well have this gift Paul speaks of but to then create whole doctrine to try and drag other people into it is biblically criminal. His final point:
"On Finding a Wife. "Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord" (Prov. 18:22, MEV). Are our spouses hand-picked for us by God? I believe that God does have a specific person in mind for us to marry, but when flawed human decision-making results in our marrying a different person, it is the grace and genius of God to turn Plan B into Plan A if the person earnestly, diligently and with great longsuffering, seeks God to do so. One variable that God does not abrogate, however, is man's free will. If we will not earnestly seek Him, or if one or both parties will not live in communion and obedience with Him, then He will leave us to our poor choices--hopefully so that we will learn to make better, God-led choices the next time. So, how then shall we live? Marry God first. Mary to give, not to use. Learn the full spectrum of what brings pleasure in the marriage bed (not just the physical, but the spiritual as well). Understand that holy matrimony is a picture of the re-integration of woman into man in a one-flesh union. It is also a part of God's image that has been stamped into our very beings and a prefigurement of the marriage between Christ and the Church (Eph. 5:25-32). Finally, here are some Scriptures to read that have a direct application to the question of singleness, celibacy and chastity: Matthew 19:9-12; 1 Corinthians 7:1-9; 1 Corinthians 7:17, 19b; 1 Corinthians 7:32-35; 1 Corinthians 7:36-38." -- David Kyle Foster
Despite citing the key verse for today, Foster is trying so hard to make his personal decisions into biblical theology that he cannot see how all over the map his teaching is. In one breath he correctly says God will not repeal free will and in the other he believes God has a specific person selected for each of us. Then apparently we can violate what God has decided for us and God will shift His plans accordingly. I understand many people want to believe there is a special someone because that is what every Hallmark movie of the week teaches us. The reality is that is a pagan way of viewing the will of God wrapped up in pure carnal romanticism. If we follow His Word we will find His will. It is not found by divination, hairs on our shoulders or coincidental "confirmations." Foster's closing here borders on the icky. This is the result of over spiritualizing and over sexualizing the analogies God uses. The church is the bride of Christ and He uses that analogy in relation to keeping us pure from idols and other gods -- not learning what brings pleasure in the marital bed. Ugh. The relationship of the collective church is one of betrothal but our individual relationship with Christ is one of Lordship. If He is not Lord then you can hang up all the misplaced romance and sex you want to dream up because it will not matter.
Beloved, these are serious issues long ignored within the church walls. Should we pray if we desire a spouse? Sure but God is not obligated to always answer yes. A better prayer would be to draw closer to His Word so that you can be a better spouse when the time comes around. Do I understand why people find the "one" after one cup of coffee? No I do not. I do recognize that people are so afraid of being alone that they often settle quickly and confuse emotionalism for love as easily as they confuse it with spiritualism. If you find yourself single today understand that life is what life is. There may be a reason or it may just be life. Here is my parting wisdom beloved. When you do get married the correct order of importance is supposed to be God, your spouse and then you. Practice the order while you are single so you are prepared because too often we find ourselves worshipping the relationship we want and idolizing the marital status we do not have. We place ourselves first or even the imaginary spouse we desire. Remember what Paul taught at the start of all this. When you are single your entire devotion can be toward God. If we do not even have that right when we are single; how bad will our order be when we are with someone? Get it right now. Place God first and when you come to the fork in the road -- take it.
